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Blog Relationships

What to Do When You Are the One at Fault in a Relationship (In a Quarrel)

You know the saying, one of the basic human needs is the need for variety. Naturally, when things are too peaceful, I, for some reason I don’t know, want to create some kind of excitement (or trouble, which is more accurate). I don’t know about you, but I have a natural tendency to look for troubles even in the finest situations. My boyfriend has always told me how much he loved me and that’s I’m the woman of his life, however, being a woman suspicious of men’s intention, I don’t entirely trust him. Whenever he failed to return home at the ordinary time, doubts filled my mind, even though he explained that he was merely visiting his friends. He just separated from his ex-wife and they share two daughters together. He used to be a popular boy that women loved in the past. For a woman with lots of insecurities to deal with and a history of being lied to by men, being with him means I have to fight my own insecurities and learn to trust him. Without trust, the relationship will never work.

So, that’s the theory. I lost my temper one day when he returned home late visiting his friend and didn’t buy something I especially asked him to buy. I took it as a sign that he doesn’t love me enough. I showed my tantrum. It was the biggest fight we’ve had so far in our relationship. He said he couldn’t stand me not trusting him and how my tantrum had caused him damages. He started behaving in an irrespectful way towards me (To be sincere, the same irrespectful way I behaved towards him when I was angry). There were more misunderstandings when we tried to converse, even when I tried to do something nice to him (without telling him in advance), he still took it the bad way. The turning point came when I couldn’t hold it and burst out crying before him. He softened down and asked me to come to his arms. Being completely hurt at the moment, I refused the offer and went to my room to…cry.

While in my room, after crying my eyes out, I had a chance to reflect upon the relationship. Is this something I want? Do I want our relationship to end like this? After thinking it through and the answer (which is No, just in case you wonder), I gathered up my left-over courage and returned to his room, knocked on the door, and without a word, went straight to his bed to lie next to him. He hugged me and we practically reconciled.

Fighting is an inevitable thing in a long-term relationship. However, with my temperament, I tend to fight even more often than the normal couple. I think the key to reconcilation after a hot argument is to step back, soften down, show your vulnerable side, and if you are a woman, show your man how much you still love him. If he loves you truly, he will forgive you.

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Psychology Relationships Self-Esteem

5 Benefits of Personal Development

If your goal is to become a better version of yourself, then personal development is something you should focus on. In fact, even though it may seem so easy to go through life without thinking deeper about ourselves, investing in personal development can yield tremendous benefits to both your personal and professional life.

Better Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is what gives you a sense of your own abilities as well as weaknesses. People with low self-awareness can go through life not knowing why they run into the same situation. They don’t recognize the patterns. Once you have self-awareness, you can better navigate through life situations knowing which part of your personality causes certain situations to appear in your life.

Greater Resilience

Life is not always about happiness and prosperity. Each of us goes through tougher times countless times in our life. When you have better self-awareness, you tend to be more perseverant when facing difficulties.

A Clearer Sense of Direction

Many of us go through life not really knowing what we want. As a result, we drift through life and let circumstances push us around. Not anymore with personal development. Once you become more aware and resilient, you know exactly where you want to be and work hard to achieve it. Difficulties no longer scare you as much, as you realize they are part of the journey.

More Fulfilling Relationships

By knowing who you are deep inside, you also know who you want to be with in terms of interpersonal relationships. You no longer want to stay in a toxic relationship for fear of being alone. You build friendships with people who lift you up.

More Motivation to Excel in Life

A lack of motivation is what keeps us from achieving our goals. One way to build motivation is to embark on a personal development journey. By getting to know yourself better, you’ll find motivation along the way.

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Blog Relationships

4 Signs of a Toxic Friendship

 “It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.” – Mandy Hale

Having good friends in your life can change everything. Research has shown that people with a solid social network tend to live longer and more happily. However, when it comes to friendship, quality triumphs over quantity. You may not be the social butterfly, but if you are able to form deep meaning relationships with people who share common values with you, you still lead a fulfilling life. Now it comes to a question: How do we know if a friendship is healthy or toxic for us? Once we’ve figured that out, cut the toxic influences and nurture the ones that make us a better person.

Signs of a Toxic Friendship

Your Friend Says You Need to Change

Let’s face it. The last time you tried to change someone, did it work? Not only did you offended and annoyed the person, but you also ruined the relationship. If your friend can’t accept you for who you are and just keep pointing fingers, maybe it’s time to reconsider the friendship.

Too Much Negativity

We all want to help a friend when he’s down and out, but how about a friend who is perpetually negative and can’t stop finding faults in everything? Even when you try to cheer him up, you end up feeling down because of his complaints and criticism. Such a relationship is detrimental to your mental health.

Who Calls Whom?

A healthy friendship must have a balance of interaction between two people. If one person does all the talking about herself and refuses to listen to her friend’s problems, she’s not really that friend you want to keep.

You Walk on Eggshells Around Them 

If you can’t freely express your opinion and be yourself around your friend for fear of him lashing out at you, there’s something wrong in the relationship.