Love is a distraction.
I’m sure you have heard that quote somewhere. If you haven’t, now you have heard it. The point is, if you think about it, the quote is more than correct. Anyone who has been madly in love can attest to the fact that it’s extremely hard to focus on other things while we are all head over heels over a person. Even when we are doing something, our mind still betrays us.
While I’m writing this post, I’m battling this particular problem. It feels fantastic to have found someone you hit it off so wonderfully. Someone who you can stand. Someone who is so compatible. Someone who can make you so happy.
But at the same time, it’s also so annoying to fall behind in practically everything. You don’t want to neglect your job, but you find yourself daydreaming about the relationship and that special someone when you are supposed to be working. That’s not a fun feeling. Well, at least it’s fun until you mess up your job.
How to Not Be Distracted By Love
Usually during the first few months when you get into a new relationship, you are overcome by infatuation that does your focus no good. After a couple has been together for some time, the initial head-over-heels feelings will subside, and if during that phase, a strong bond has been formed, the relationship will evolve to the next stage, which is more stable.
The Five Stages of Love:
This is also called the honeymoon phase. You are head over heels about each other. You see each other through a pink-colored lens. He/she is the perfect one.
Doubt and Denial
Now, during this stage, you start noticing the differences between you two. Maybe he/she is not the one after all. What you consider to be cute begins to annoy you. Feelings of love are intertwined with feelings of resentment and irritation. During this stage, conflict resolution skills are essential to help take the relationship to the next level.
During this stage, all the ugly things that have been swept under the carpet come to the surface. Couples see each other in broad daylight, no tinted lens added. Many couples part ways during this stage because they stop investing energy into the relationship. Even the slightest disagreement can develop into full fights.
Now you are contemplating whether to leave the relationship or not. All the fights and emotional breakdowns seem too much to bear. You wonder what it would be like to start a new life with another person.
During this stage, the decision to stay or leave very much depends on how much you value the relationship and your partner, how happy you are, and whether you are willing to do the work necessary to fix any issue.
Once couples move to this stage, they can congratulate themselves on reaching a major milestone. Now you are at a stage where you fully accept each other for who you are. There is still work to be done since maintaining a relationship is a continuous process. However, you have come to a stage where you can communicate and understand each other even on the hardest issues without feeling threatened or challenged.
How to Not Get Distracted By a Relationship During the Early Stage
If you don’t want to screw up your work or other interpersonal relationships during the honeymoon stage, there are a few things to keep in mind. First of all, remember how your life had been before that person came into your life. You surely had many responsibilities, hobbies, and goals as well. By focusing on that person only and disregard the rest, you are putting yourself in a dangerous position: You create a void that will suck you in if the relationship doesn’t work out. Moreover, do you imagine finding someone who neglects his work or his study attractive? Deep inside, you’ll think he/she is not reliable. Don’t be on the receiving end of that impression.
You Don’t Have to Focus on Him/Her 100% of the Time
Remember, if the relationship is meant to work out in the long run, he/she is meant to be yours. Remember the day you first purchase your car. You would think about your new proud possession all the time. You can’t probably stop looking at it. However, after some time, do you still think about your not-so-new car? You don’t. It has become something familiar, one of your possessions. You start taking it for granted. It’s the same for a relationship. When someone enters your life, you can’t stop thinking about that person. However, once you have come to accept that person as a part of your life, your focus moves on to other things.
If your partner is meant to stay, he/she will be there for you. There’s no need to keep thinking about them all the time.
Be in the Presence
Do you realize that you often think about your partner when they are not present? If you do that, it means you are not living in the presence. When they are absent, you start thinking about the good (and not so good) memories with them, thus you are living in the past, or you start imagining the future of the two of you together, thus you are living in the future. You are simply not there, at that moment, in the presence. Living in the past or future is bad for you, no matter how good it makes you feel. You are robbing yourself out of your own presence, and only the presence counts since the future and the past are just illusions.
To avoid this, practise mindfulness. Invest your full energy and mind into whatever you are doing at the moment, be it making tea or scrubbing the toilet.
Work Towards Building a Future Together
You can’t build houses or purchase a computer simply by imagining them. While it’s satisfying to imagine your partner and you living in a nice house together or taking romantic trips to faraway destinations, turning those dreams into reality is another matter. Your dreams won’t miraculously materialize if you don’t budge an inch.
Instead of wasting time dreaming about the future, start working towards building that future with your partner. It will be much more beneficial to the relationship (and your financial situation), than sitting there dreaming.
Find a Hobby
If you don’t already have a hobby, now is the time to find one. Already have hobbies? Why not ask your partner to join you? Not only will you two have something to do together, but you also shift your focus away from the relationship. It’s good for both of you.
Above are some simple yet effective tips on how to avoid distractions in a relationship. What works for one person may not work for another. Your job is to find the one that works for you.